Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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