Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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