so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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