They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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