he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.