How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.