just come out here and I will go home with you...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia