the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.