This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
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thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest