I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...