Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
