btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
