I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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