As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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