Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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