I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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