Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
