oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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