Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
