there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
