It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
