I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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