actually, I'm a sock model
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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