Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
