I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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