Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
