Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize