why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
