Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
