In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
