And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
