just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
