i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
