I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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