My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
