Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
