god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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