one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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