i jhust puked up my retainher.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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