if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Damn victory sex feels great
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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