Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
