Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
