if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
