I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
