I heard we made out
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
