your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
