butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
