just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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