Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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