if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
