just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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