All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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