Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize