Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
