Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
