I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
