remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
