I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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