I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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