true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
