You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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