8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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