Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
