I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
